Life with a baby(turning into a toddler in couple of months) is not easy(for new moms, don’t panic, it gets better, youll learn so many new tricks that you haven’t thought you had in you ;-)). Everyday is a new challenge, everyday is a new achievement and every day is a new learning.
We, Indians, have a specific way of things and we get a specific instructions from our mothers and other ladies of the family(and/or extended family). To be honest, some are really good tips and some are “ok-back-off-I-don’t-need-your-advice” kind of tips.
We are “taught” how to handle our new borns. How not to hold our babies(1wo or 1mo etc.) in our arms to comfort them and the babies will get used to it. How to make a turban and make the babies sleep so that their heads can “shape-up” nicely. How to shake the baby to calm them sometimes.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
(pic below is me telling my husband some days, E-V-E-N … N-O-W…)
Maybe some are true, maybe some aren’t.
To clarify, make a turban and make babies sleep – may work, not sure, but I read many articles posted online that said, as the baby grows, his skull develops and fuses to form the correct shape, one need not stress too much for the turban or a pillow kind of thing.
To clarify, holding a baby in your arms(I do it even now shamelessly and my baby is quite independent on his own, but when he is upset, he needs comfort and that is ok I think) is not true. Holding the babies calm them when they are upset or having meltdowns and telling them that is ok to feel that way. This is tried and tested approach(ofcourse by me) and I think it is one of the best advices I’ve read.
I read most of the articles published here – Janet Lansbury. Trust me, they’re very very good.
Janet advices, to have a peaceful time with your child, you need to treat your child like a person who can understand everything you say and do. One such article is here – she says, to make your early days with your baby, you need to communicate, trust-breathe-enjoy each moment and observe. These points are always the crux of the articles in this site.
In another article, Janet says – there are “surprising” ways to encourage kids. Before reading this, what I used to coax my baby to do things – “yes, you can do it” “come on” this that or fix if something doesn’t go according to the plan(actually Janet says, it is our plan that gets disturbed, our expectations doesn’t get matched, so we fix it for them) – for example, if a baby is playing with his toys and I sitting in front of him I see his one toy is stuck in another and see him struggle to take it, I being a mom, would rush and take it out for him giving him some advice. But what one needs to do it , trust that your kid is going to solve his problem on his own, sit back and “observe”. This article says –
- Don’t try. Instead: Trust.
- Don’t cheerlead (“You can do it!”), praise (“Good job! Good girl!”), or coax (“Come on… just give it a try”). Instead:Calm yourself and reflect what you see (“You are working hard on that. It’s really difficult.” Or, “You did it!”).
- Don’t direct or fix. Instead: Be patient and fully attentive, providing only the most minimal direction needed for children to be able to accomplish self-chosen tasks themselves.
- Don’t sympathize or attempt to actively comfort frustration. Instead: Allow, accept, and acknowledge feelings.
More than anything, I can say, “trust-breathe-enjoy-observe” is what one needs to do and doing currently. More updates on my learnings on motherhood soon and it’ll be frequent from now 🙂